Harder on Daddy

Three school days have alraedy come and gone, and a fourth nearly completed. My big boy went to school for the first time last week. Yeah, the same Alan that it seems I posted baby photos for everyone to see just yesterday, is in kindergarten.  

If you've been following my blog, you've seen a couple of posts about the subject at hand by my wife. It is interesting for me to see her perspective about our son going to school. She also gets to see him, however briefly, during the day a few times, and once I kiss him goodbye at 6:30, I don't see him again until 5:30.

I'm just not ready. 

Oh great, Bruce, you're joining the ranks of those myriad other parents out there that just go on and on about their child growing up and they're not ready for it. Well, maybe there is something to them going on and on? And I've had to listen to it all over the years from many people, so now it's my turn. 

It's not like it will be much different for me. I would always drop him at the nanny's house and be gone all day, only to be greeted by his smile when I get home. (He is a very smiley boy, and it lights up my day!) It just feels different now. I don't know if that is because of the autonomy he is developiing (I know ultimately, that is a good thing to have) or if it is just something different than we have been used to for the past 5 years. 

Now that I've thought about it, I think I know why I'm having such a hard time with it. I just know that he has begun the journey of school, which he will continue until adulthood. That's not to say there won't be so many great moments between now and when he is an adult, but I guess it just seems like I peered into the tunnel of the future and saw grown-up Alan. I saw him not needing us as much, and eventually leaving us. There, I said it. Up until now, he has been very dependent upon us, and frankly, I'm not ready to give that up just yet. 

He is doing just fine, after these first few days, and I'm sure he will continue to do fine. I just hope I can adjust.

Did you have a hard time when one of your kids became school aged? I'd love to hear of some other experiences in this similar situation.